Confessions to a Friend
by wic1
Summary: After a talk with Ororo Munroe Jean Grey-Summers follows through on the decision she made regarding her marriage to Scott Summer
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: Confessions to a Friend

AUTHOR: Wic

DISCLAIMER: The X-Men and all other Marvel characters belong to Marvel Entertainment. 

RATING: PG for one possibly offensive word (Better to be safe than sorry)

SUMMARY: Jean confides in a friend about her troubling marriage and increasing powers.

FEEDBACK: I would greatly appreciate any constructive feedback or suggestions anyone may have. wic16@yahoo.com

CHARACTERS: Jean Grey and Ororo Munroe (Storm)

Confessions to a Friend

"I am not as fragile as I may appear, Jean." Ororo said with a more than a little annoyance. "There are things troubling you, and I wish to help if I can."

She was being sincere, but she was still recovering and to burden her with my dilemmas would be unfair. "Don't worry about me, you concentrate on getting better." 

"I will be fine, and so will the others with a little time. Now tell me what is going on, after all I could use the distraction." 

We were outside in the garden and it was beautiful with the sky a deep blue and the sun providing warmth to my bare arms and face. For the once in a very long time I felt at peace. Being here, away from Westchester has something to do with it, but I know seeing Ororo again and having the opportunity to speak with her in person is allowing me to relax my tired soul.. Ororo is the only person I have right now that I can be completely candid with without fear of judgement or an argument. I use to have that with Scott but lately it's all been so different. There was a time I could also confide in Charles but lately he's been so busy. He's also apprehensive since learning extent to which my powers have been heightened. To explain all that has takin place recently would only cause him to become more uneasy. "Jean." Her voice tears me from my unconscious moment of self reflection. Smiling with some embarrassment "Sorry, I guess I drifted off for a moment." 

She nods with understanding and takes my hand, giving it an affectionate squeeze.

"It's so good to see you again. I've missed you."

"Me too." She says pullings me into a hug. "It's been too long."

In her embrace I am hit be the genuine love and concern she has for me. It's been a long time since anyone has projected those emotions toward me, they almost feel foreign. I don't seem to be able to conjure this type of affection or concern around the mansion lately. Not that I'm looking for it, but a wife would like to be shown even the tinniest bit of love from her husband. Reluctantly I pull out of our embrace frightened if I don't do so I will never be able to. 

Ororo sighs. It's a plea for me to confide in her, bare my soul, and despite all my hesitation there is nothing I want to do more. "You know if I start I might not be able to stop." I kid facing her.

"That is a risk I am willing to take," she teases back.

I have no idea where to begin, so much has happened in what seems like a short time. Finding the right place, or any place to start is too great a task but finally I just blurt out the only cognizable thought inside my head. "Do you ever wonder what we'd be doing now if Charles had not came into our lives?" I ask.

Ororo nods, "Sometimes."

"I've been thinking about it a lot more lately. Wondering about the what ifs and where'd we all be."

"Why?"

It's a simple question, but one with a complicated answer. "I'm not certian. There has always been a part of me that wanted more than just a life as an X-Men, and for short periods that's happened. But something always comes up and we're back where we didn't want to be."

The slip of my tongue, the mention of Scott, of us, went undetected by myself but not by Ororo. "We? You mean you and Scott."

"Yeah I guess." It was hard to talk about Scott even to Ororo. So much had changed between us. "Scott and I had our opportunity to start a life together that was just about us, but then Scott 'died' and... nothings been the same."

An expression of worry consumes Ororo's features. She's aware my marriage to Scott is going through some difficult times but no one realizes how strained things truly are. I know what she'll ask next. One doesn't need to be a telepath to figure that much out. "Things with Scott haven't really improved since we last spoke. In fact," I add with a sad chuckle "they may be worse."

"Why would you think that?"

"We're growing further and further apart each day, and I think that's what he wants. The only time we really talk to one another is when we're involved in a mission, and at that he's usually stale and cool. Whenever I attempt to talk to him he invents an excuse why it isn't a good time, or he gets upset and stalks off. I've tried and tried and tried with him but each time he shuts down. How can I be married to a man I can't recognize and yet want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him?"

"Oh Jean. I am sorry. I did not know things were so..." Her voice trails off. She understands there isn't anything she can say to comfort me. 

"It's okay." I tell her in an attempt to dissuade her concern, knowing full well it won't work. "We should go back inside. You should get some rest."

"As I have already told you I am fine. Being outside actually makes me feel better. It is such a divine day." She responds clearly not wanting to return to the confines of her bed. For several minuets I watch as she closes her eyes and lets the sun bath her dark smooth skin. She is completely relaxed and at one with nature. Being out here is doing more good then any medication doctors may offer. "What are you going to do?"

"About what?" I say forgetting for a moment our conversation and my troubles. 

"About Scott. You can't let this continue. You deserve better than that."

"I know. I feel my emotions gnawing away at me, influencing my actions and words I speak. But I can't turn my back on him or us. Not yet. Not with all we have been through and all we have survived."

"Sometimes we must do things we had not imagined possible."

"When we all thought Scott had died." I begin, the memories of that time playing out in my mind like it was only yesterday. "I didn't know how I was going to get through it. It felt like I was being buried alive and I couldn't pull myself out. At the time I couldn't imagine feeling anything more painful but I can now. Night after night I lay down to sleep beside Scott and every time I feel nothing from him. It's like living in a never-ending nightmare. I spend all my time just waiting for the moment when he finally comes to me and says all the things I have been desperate to hear. To have him take me into his arms and never let me go. To feel his soft gentle lips upon mine and know he loves me still. But it isn't going to happen. Not now, in the future or perhaps ever. It's was like a knife viscously ripping into my gut when I realized the dream I had been living has faded away and the only thing I am left with is the shell of what use to be. Each time he shuts me out the knife goes in deeper and deeper, tearing away bits and pieces of me."

"Jean, I can't even imagine what you are going through or what Scott must have endured when he was gone. But you and Nathan found him. You brought him back from the brink of losing himself. He wanted to be saved or else he would have been lost long before you were able to find him. That has to mean something."

"I thought so too... once."

"Perhaps he still needs more time." 

I feel a sudden rush of anger rise inside me, throwing off the emotional balance I have worked so hard to create and maintain over these last few months. Ororo can see it too. "More time?" I say heatedly, unable to control myself. "I have been waiting and waiting. Each day I hope my prayers are finally going to be answered and each day I am slapped in the face by reality. Then, just when I am ready to finally give up on everything that my life has been based on, I witness a tiny glimpse of the man thought lost to me. It only lasts a fraction of a moment but it's enough to crush any doubts I've had and then I am left to start the cycle all over again. Do you know what that does to me?"

The anger is getting more intense, threatening to turn into out of control rage. Inside me I feel something else too. Something strange but familiar, wanting to explode to the surface. I struggle to restrain it but it is so damn intoxicating. 

"Jean," Her words echo inside my head. "Are you alright?"

I have to ignore her for the moment needing instead to concentrate on not losing control to this force within me. I don't know if it is good or evil but something about it frightens me to the core. Permitting whatever it is to be set free could be allowing history to repeat itself and I'd rather die than to be responsible for the devastation which could occur. Finally, after several minuets the urges beings to lessen, then it dissipates completely as though it hadn't existed in the first place. Taking in a long deep breath I collect my thoughts and try to put on a strong face for my friend. She's not fooled and her pained look assures me there is no way to masquerade the events that just transpired. She moves closer but is still weak from her own ordeal and I quickly reach out to stop her. "I'm fine." I smile but it's a poor attempt.

"What happened?"

Taking a seat beside her I try to explain as best I can. "I'm not really sure. For a while now I've noticed my telepathic and telekinetic abilities getting increasingly stronger. Things that once drained me barely affect me now. It's becoming harder and harder to find tasks which cause me to become exhausted. There are times... when I feel that there is this... element inside me... and I'm just a pawn in it's plan."

"Logan has told me your abilities have getting increasingly more powerful..."

"He's concerned?" I asked quickly cutting her off.

She ponders her answer for a moment, not wishing to say the wrong things but not wanting to be dishonest either. "He is troubled. He doesn't believe you are being completely truthful and because of that you are going to end up hurt... or worse. And after witnessing what just went on I too I am concerned. What does Charles think?"

"I haven't really spoken to him about this. He's aware that I have been 'evolving', but he doesn't realizes the extent."

"Jean!" She blurts out before she can manage to compose herself. "You need to be honest with him. He is the only one who has the abilities that can help you. He would want to know and I think he would be offended to learn you have been keeping this from him."

"He's been very busy. We all have. Between the changes at the school and the problems with some of the students there hasn't been a good time to sit down and talk with him. Besides I am not sure if he'll be able to help me and there is so much more going on with us both that this isn't that important."

It was a lie but I didn't want talk about this now. Not with Ororo. Not with anyone really. Whatever may be changing inside of me I'll be the one to take care of it. When it becomes too great a task for me then I'll seek out Charles. Right now though I need to concentrate on other events in my life like my crumbling marriage. Once I am able to resolve the root of my emotional chaos then I am hopeful the other issues will take care of them selves. 

"Although I would rather not disagree with you I do not think you are as concerned over this as you should be. You are fighting a battle with yourself to which the outcome could be disastrous for both yourself and…"

"I am well aware of the consequences, but I believe I know what the cause is and I am going to take care of that first."

" Scott?"

"Yes, Scott."

"Are you sure you really believe Scott is somehow connected to these events? Or are you just using that as an excuse so you will not have to deal with the alternatives."

"Please trust me. You are the only person who I have left that I can bare my soul to."

"I do trust you. It is just that I am very frightened for you."

"I swear to my friend." I say placing my hand upon her arm. "I will be fine. I just hope I get the chance to talk to Scott before he…"

I stop myself quickly not wanting to put words to a deep-rooted suspicion I have had for some time. Ororo inquires about what I didn't say and despite my initial hesitation and fear that saying it aloud will make it happen I am aware she is the one person I can confide in. "I think Scott may be having or about to have an affair?" 

"What?" Is all she manages to say.

"We've grown so far apart that I don't even know if he still loves me. I've noticed the way he looks at her and…"

Ororo interrupts me, her curiosity getting the best of her. "Who?"

"Emma." Ororo's angered expression tells me she shares my feelings about the women. "She's made it perfectible obvious that she wants my husband and he wants her too. I've sensed it." Again there is a swell of anger as my mind creates and runs through images so vile and devastating that I need to step away from my dear friend and gather myself for a moment. It wouldn't be a complete shock to learn something had happened between them but it would destroy me. For the man who I have loved almost all of my life to betray me, with Emma Frost of all people, the whore, it would shatter my world. I think I could handle him walking out of my life, it would take a long time to accept it but I could deal with it. But to have him make a mockery out of the vows we took... desecrate all that we have meant to one another... destroy the lives we've built together… there'd be no way I could live with that. 

"Jean," I hear softly from behind me. "I have known you and Scott for many years. I consider us family. And through all the years I have never seen you like this."

I am startled by her words. "I have never been lucky enough to find the kind of love you and Scott have been blessed to share." She continues. " I can only imagine how painful it must be to feel that slipping away. But you can not allow yourself to be consumed by your emotions.."

"Ororo that's not..."

"Look at yourself. Although you won't admit it, you are scared something is happening which you will not be able to contain. Your marriage is falling apart. Things at the school are in chaos. You are not talking to anyone about any of this. You are allowing all those that care about you to believe you are fine, but you are not."

With each truth she speaks I can feel more and more moisture in my eyes, and despite my best efforts tears begin to flow. I hate when that happens. I feel weak and ashamed. My first response is to lash out at my friend. But I fight that urge. "My dear friend, you must find a way to resolve these issues before it becomes too late. Don't allow yourself to be lost."

And just like that, as if the heavens above had opened up to me, for the first time I know exactly what I need to do.!


	2. Confessions To A Wife

TITLE: Confessions to a Wife (Part 2)

AUTHOR: Wic

WEBSITE: 

DISCLAIMER: The X-Men and all other Marvel characters belong to Marvel Entertainment. 

RATING: PG for possible offensive language and terms (Mild)

SUMMARY: Jean confronts Scott about their crumbling marriage and the decision she's made.

FEEDBACK: I would greatly appreciate any constructive feedback or suggestions anyone may have. wic16@yahoo.com

CHARACTERS: Jean Grey and Scott Summers

AUTHORS NOTES: Thanks to everyone who provided feedback on the first chapter. It was read and very much appreciated. 

Confessions to a Wife

Jean Grey-Summers sat on the bed she shared with her husband contemplating what her next move would be. 

Earlier in the day she had returned home determined to reclaim control over her life and had been displeased to learn Scott was away with Emma. She had waited up for his return and had essentially ambushed him with the news that she was leaving after he tried to brush off her attempts to talk to him. She could see the anger in his face but wasn't sure what he was angry about. He could have been upset because she had slammed the door shut when he had tried to escape the room, or that she had told him she was leaving the school, New York and him, or that she had talked to Charles before him. Within moments she knew which one it was.

"You talked to Charles before you even talked to me?" Scott snapped angrily.

"Scott you were off with Emma and--"

"I was on a mission and you know it."

Breathing deeply she tried to settle herself down, not wishing to make this any harder than it needed to be. "Charles deserved to have me tell him I was leaving. I didn't know when you'd be back or if I'd get the chance to see him before I left in the morning."

It didn't surprise her that Scott seemed indifferent to the news that she was leaving. For a long time now their relationship had been deteriorating as the communication and connection essential for making any marriage work quietly began to disappear. He had become increasing distant, cold and unwilling to express any type of emotions he may have been feeling. 

For her part Jean had been patient, well as patient as she could be given the circumstances. She had waited for her husband to open up to her, had even tried on many occasions to jump start dialogue between them, but he remained committed to shutting her out.

There had been times when his feelings toward her flooded her mind, but those were unguarded moments, usually when she was in some sort of mortal peril. But even in those moments, when his concern and affection was unobstructed, he always held a part of him back. Unwilling to allow that side of him to be exposed to her or anyone else. It was terribly frustrating.

She watched him, from her seat on their bed, cross the room and stare out into the endless sea of black that was night. His face hidden from her by the darkness.

"I don't get it. What's with the sudden decision? What happened while you were away that's making you run?" He asked evenly.

"Sudden?" Jean responded unable to disguise her surprise or irritation. "This isn't sudden. It's been coming for a while now. My trip had nothing to do with it, if anything it helped to clarify a few things."

She thought she saw him start to turn toward her but he stopped, sighing instead. "Then why now?"

To Jean it almost sounded as though he was bored, not really interested in their conversation but taking part because it was something he was expected to participate in. "Because" She began trying to keep her voice strong and composed "... I finally have the strength to go."

He said nothing, only nodded his head slightly and continued to gaze out the window. 

As each moment of silence ticked by the red head could feel the increasing strain of the situation on her crumbling heart. They had been through so much during the years that it seemed impossible to believe they weren't capable of surviving this, what ever this was. 

Finally he turned toward her, his features betraying nothing of what he might be feeling. "Well then at least tell me why you're leaving. I deserve that much."

"Why am I leaving? Because we're at the point where you have to ask me a question like that?"

His hand shot up and ran through his hair sandy brown hair in frustration. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" 

"It means there once was a time when we knew exactly what other was thinking and feeling. There wasn't a need for--"

"That was a long time ago, a lot has changed since then." He interrupted his tone becoming almost regretful.

"Yeah I know. I just don't know why things changed."

He shrugged. "I guess sometimes they just do."

If that was suppose to offer her some type of comfort, it didn't. "That's it, they just do?"

"What do you want me to say?" He almost shouted.

Calming herself once more she replied. "I want you to tell me if you want me to stay." 

"Of course I want you stay." He responded as if the question had been redundant.

"Why?"

Groaning Scott answered. "You're my wife."

Nodding a small sad grin crept upon her lips. For a long time that answer would have been enough for her, but not now. Being his wife seemed to be just something she acted out because she was so use to playing the part. His ever-increasing distance from her and their marriage destroyed any sentimental or emotional value it once had. She needed to know what 'You're my wife' meant to him. "What does that mean?"

"Oh come on Jean!" He said nearly yelling again.

She ignored his increasing anger and tensing muscles determined not to let him deter her resolve on the matter. "No, seriously Scott. I want to know what you think being you're wife means."

But she didn't give him the opportunity to respond; instead she succumbed to the pain and frustration she'd been enduring for so long, and lashed out. "I'll tell you what it means for me. I wake up each morning next to a complete stranger who would rather face death than talk to his wife. A person that hasn't shared one fear, one dream, one conscious thought with me in what seems like forever. Someone who doesn't touch me unless it's for sex, and that's all it is just sex. There's nothing more to it, it's just two people going through the motions. A man that has been on the verge, if not already engaging in an affair with Emma Frost for months. Is that wha..." 

Scott didn't notice the sudden haunted look on his wife's face, he was too preoccupied with trying to defend or excuse all the accusations Jean has just flung at him. "Oh not this again. You wanna know why I can't talk to you? Why you make it so impossible? You have all these delusions running around inside your head that you can't let go of. Delusions of the past, of the way things use to be, the way things can never be again. You want me to be somebody that no longer exist and the thing about Emma you don't get... the reason it's so much more easier to talk to her than you, is because she doesn't have any expectations. She doesn't need me to be someone I'm not. I can be whoever I am when I'm with her without having to worry and that's something..." His voice just died away.

He hadn't recognized her pain expression, he had been to wrapped up in his own anger. But now he could see it, as plain as the morning sun in a clear blue sky. "Jean? Jean what's wrong?"

She didn't respond, couldn't. She was too focused on trying to keep control of her mind and body. So Scott just watched, helpless to do anything for her until finally, after several minuets, she was herself again. The same woman he had just been arguing with. "Jean are you alright?" 

For the first time she noticed him beside her, his left hand at her back and his right tightly gripping her shoulder. "I'm fine." She managed weakly.

"Yeah I can see that." He replied unable to mask his sarcasm. "It's your powers isn't it?"

"No... I just... I need--."

Stepping in front of her, he lifted her chin with his thumb forcing her to look at him. "You told me everything was alright. That you had control over all this. Why'd you lie to me?"

She rolled her eyes and chuckled bitterly amused by his assertion that she had lied to him. Then she pulled away from his grasp. "I didn't lie to you. Things were fine. Everything was fine, everything made sense. I never felt more in control or saw things more clearly but lately... it's been different."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Although he was being sincere the question angered her. Not ten minuets ago the man had tried to flee from the room when she had tried to talk to him and now he was asking her why she hadn't told him. "You haven't exactly been making yourself available for open and honest conversations recently. Look I don't want to talk about this, alright."

"No it isn't alright Jean. You're acting like this is no big deal. That it doesn't matter, but we both know it does. Ignoring it, or pretending it's not happening isn't going to make it go away. You can't run from it, it's always going to be there, lurking, just waiting for the perfect opportunity when you're powerless and can't to do anything about it."

"Are you talking about me or you now?" She asked.

"This isn't about me." 

Jean only grinned slightly, angering Scott even more. "We both know what happened last time the--" 

He's forced to stop mid sentence when his wife crossed the room and exited into the hallway. For brief moment he stood in the room alone, stunned that his wife just walked out on him and then chases after her. 

She can hear his hurried footsteps behind her, but he doesn't say anything. Too afraid he'll wake the other X-Men or some of the students. The last thing he'd want to do is have this out in front of other people.

They get to the garage and Jean walked toward her car with every intention of just driving off into the night and leaving all this behind her but when his hand tightly grabbed her arm in an attempt to stop her, she acted without thinking. Using her telekinetic power she slammed Scott into the concrete wall some ten feet behind him. He hit with a hollow thud and fell in a heap to the floor, fighting to catch his breath and shake off his disorientation.

Horrified by her actions Jean can do nothing but just stand there watching the man she had pledged her soul to years ago struggle to get back on his feet. A tear followed by more begun to fall down her cheeks. "Scott?" 

Supporting himself on the wall he picked his head up, still in some pain and looked to his wife. "Jean don't go."

"I have to. Everything's too complicated, too hard. I need time to sort through it all, away from here."

"Jean I'm scared of what will happen if you leave." He said his voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm going to be fine. I promise."

Shifting his head slightly to the left he confessed "I know you will be but it's not you that I'm worried about."

All of a sudden she felt like she couldn't breath, like someone had punched her in the stomach. For him to admit such a venerability, especially now, sent a terrified chill up her spine. "What are you talking about?"

"You're the only thing I got stopping me from throwing away everything in my life that has ever meant anything to me. If you leave I won't be able to stop it from happening."

She stepped closer to him, taking his hand in hers and holding it firmly. "No that's not true Scott."

"You don't get." His voice is ripe with resentment.

"Don't get what? Scott you've been keeping me at arms length since--"

Pulling his hand from hers he turned away. "You want me to be someone I'm not."

"No. I want you to be who you are." She tried to reassure him.

"You won't like who I am." He said gravely.

She'd never seen him like this. So lost and distant. "That's not true Scott."

"Yes it is." The bitterness and anger returning to his voice. "You have no idea what I've become."

He was so desperate, so broken that she worried that maybe he was right. Maybe she didn't have any idea of what he had become. She pushed aside her doubt and fear and placed her hands on her husband's face, forcing him to face her. "You're still the man I fell in love with all those years ago."

"No." He smiled grimly. "I'm not. I can feel it in me. Coursing through my veins eating away at everything good and pure in me. Destroying all that I have ever loved or cared about. Just waiting to take me."

She didn't understand. "What is?"

"Evil."

"No. You'll never let that happen Scott." She told him believing it.

Without warning he takes her up into his arms and pulls her tightly to him, scared that if he loosened his hold she'd bolt. "I need you to stay." He breathed.

She couldn't tell him no, her heart wouldn't allow her to do that, not after what he had just confided to her. She had achieved what she had set out to do in many regards, but her main goal, to get away, sort out her own life and deal with what was building inside of her, had become a victim of her heart. She could not leave him like this but she just prayed this was a beginning of something more and not just another cruel glimmer of the man she married.

**************************

Stirring from her restless sleep she reached for her husband but touched nothing but the soft cotton of the bed sheets. So many times in the past she had woken to the same need to have him next to her and been disappointed. Turning to the clock on her nightstand she adjusted her eyes to read the bright red neon numbers, 5:29 am. She called out to him but there was no response. Getting to her feet Jean pulled on her uniform sweater and went in search of Scott, a part of her still concerned over what he had told her last night..

Stopping at the bottom of the staircase she started to turn right to head for the kitchen, but a noise to her left diverted her attention. She narrowed her eyes in an attempt to see if she could find the source of the sound, but saw nothing. So she moved quietly in the direction the sound had resonated from until she was standing in the doorframe of the common area, it's door slightly closed but open enough to see most of the room. She peered inside, not wishing to disturb anyone who may be in there and not her husband. But he was in there, however he wasn't alone. 

In the center of the room stood her husband embracing the women Jean knew wanted nothing more than to seduce her husband. His hands were at her waist, and hers touching his cheek. Jean didn't want to see anymore but couldn't tare her eyes from the sight. And as she stood in the doorway she watched as the nightmare she had always feared played out. Emma, smiling shyly pulled Scott to her until their lips touched and he didn't pull away.

Every fear, horror, and nightmare Jean Grey-Summers ever had came true in that one moment, and as the rage at being betrayed consumed her, she no longer had a reason to fight the demons within. The unknown darkness that she feared was the manifestation of something she had been long ago, which had been seducing her finally claimed its vessel.

The door ripped from its hinges and exploded into a thousand splinters as it smashed in the stone fireplace. Scott and Emma both turned in surprising alarm at the sound but neither had time to notice the cracks forming in the floor above them. Nor did they have time to react as the room violently imploded and the ceiling came crashing down on top of them.


End file.
